Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
