Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
