I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
