there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
