There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
