This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
