Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
