Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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