youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
