I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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