Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
