ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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