god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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