if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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