I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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