Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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