It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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