I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
