This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
