someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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