they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
