I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
