You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
