I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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