i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
