I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
