My liver just broke up with me...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
