i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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