naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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