The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
