she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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