this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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