Im at strip club and am horny
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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