i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Terrible idea I love it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
