Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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