C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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