Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
