I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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