he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
