I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
