There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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