I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
