Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
