I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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