She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she woke up with a sticky ear
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
