Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
