Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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