i was born a porn star she said
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
