Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
