Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
