Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
