just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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