Duck Duck Cougar?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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