i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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