i permit you to call me
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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