we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
